Thanks for sharing your story with all of us. Not the easiest thing to do.
After Brad's piece yesterday and now this one, I've been trying to think if I know any other Eels song besides "Novocaine for the Soul," and I'm not sure I do?
My go-to when the world is all a bit much is "Fall" by Single Gun Theory. It always brings me back down to level flight.
You probably do know a song or two, since E has 16 albums. I need to listen to your song recommendation. I'm not familiar with Single Gun Theory. Yeah, pairing with Brad is great; makes me feel less pressure to do a ton of research.:) Don't get me wrong, I love researching, I just also love eating and sleeping!
Steve, what a brave column. It is so important for people to speak up about depression and about mental illness in general, both to help take away the stigma some still attach to it, and also to explain the harm that so many do with their "well meaning" statements. Thank you!
Played the Eels clip--hadn't heard them, liked that a lot, thanks for the intro!
As someone who was suicidal most of my childhood and into my twenties, I had to deal with complete denial on the part of my parents. Music became a refuge for me too. The music that helped me was initially the heavy stuff--Cream, Hendrix, Purple, Sabbath. Then, over the years, I rotated through jazz, fusion, techno, new wave, female classical vocalists...and eventually made my way back to metal. Go-to artist? Nightwish. Go to song? Well, this one actually may have saved my life last year when I was in the hospital not sure I would make it out: Lovebites "Frozen Serenade" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae8pQVu-RN8
Glad you like the song--it's sort of their "Kashmir" or "Bohemian Rhapsody"--even has a lot of structural elements in common with those. I call it the "Bolero" model.
I like Bob. He's analytical and speaks from experience. That particular performance still blows my mind. Miyako is a once-a-generation freak. She plays drums, bass (well enough to do the bass lines on the group's demos), several brass and woodwind instruments, and even rocks a keytar in one of their concerts.
Charles you are my conduit to the best international female metal bands. As you know, 80s-era NWOBHM bands were my jam and so current bands that harken back to that sound especially tick my joy boxes!
Thanks for sharing your personal story here, too. Yet another testament to the power of music and how it gets us through the hardest periods of our lives.
Actually, your tastes and knowledge range so widely, I wasn't sure how immersed you were in classic metal. Happy to know this flicks your bic, as they used to say! I actually drifted away from metal pretty early, as it sank into repetitiveness and gratuitous brutality. I do think the women bring a different energy to it, which I really love.
What a beautiful and vulnerable post. I agree about anxiety being the norm and a lot more normalization around the word as commonplace and being an anxiety early adopter or trendsetter? Can relate. And to the “mild” - like what does this even mean? Re: Songs for when you’re down. It’s a good question and in the past few years it’s been Leslie Odom’s version of “Nobody knows you (when you’re down and out)”
Thanks for the kind words Beth. It’s always hard to know what to say -- I am glad you can relate? -- it just goes to show how widespread mental health struggles are, and probably always were, but we now are less stigmatized to admit it. The mild word is a big can of worms that I’ll likely explore in another post.
Thank you for sharing your story, Steve -- so much of it resonates. I’m in a hospital waiting room without earbuds at the moment so I can’t listen to Eel, but here is what I turn to when needing comfort:
- Cloud Cult
- Josh Garrels
- Mandy Moore’s version of The Waterboys’ “You saw the Whole of the Moon”
- Slide Away, by Miley Cyrus (I can’t explain why, it just puts me in a headspace)
I may comment again later with more deep thoughts, but wanted to let you know how much I appreciated reading this.
Your welcome, Jen. And I've been sending healing thoughts of you and Bryan this week. Is there a specific Cloud Cult song that does it for you, or anything by them speaks to you? I need to listen to more Cloud Cult. I have really liked what I've heard. I don't know Josh Garrels. Will look him up too. I am a big Waterboys fan so am intrigued to hear what Mandy Moore does with Whole of the Moon.
Always welcome more deep thoughts! Keep 'em coming!
I finally had a chance to listen to Eels and wow... I can see why it connects. I love Aimee Mann and the Magnolia soundtrack, too, so thanks for connecting the dots re that producer, too.
Re the Mandy Moore cover, I love it for a couple reasons. It's more pop sounding, which is a genre I love, and it's a female singing, which feels relatable. When I sing along with the first person lyrics, it connects my heart with Bryan's, who always sees the whole of the moon.
Re songs I turn to in a struggle, I have a Spotify playlist called "help me help me help me" with almost 9 hours of music on it. I pulled some of those out into a new playlist called "STAY ALIVE" which is only an hour. It has a few Cloud Cult songs on there as well as some older Mountain Goats songs. Here's a link:
You're a brave man to bare your soul, Steve! And, a lucky man to have a recording artist who has trundled much of the same perilous ground, and who is at least as brave to write about his wrestling bout with his own psyche.
I focused in on that a bit, too, with his '92 debut album, "A Man Called E" (which drops Friday in an inbox near you!), and even saw some parallels between Mark's favorite and mine, Brian Wilson...a recognized "troubled genius" who (however easily or not) wrote extensively what was in his head...or, what he thought was there...to wit, "I'm a leaf on a windy day; pretty soon I'll be blown away. How long will the wind blow?" ("'Til I Die," Beach Boys)
Another banger, bruh! Just three hours ago (before having read your article), I was encased within a metal tube, getting an MRI (damn you, prostate...you're supposed to be the organ of fun!), and trying desperately to fight off feelings of anxiety and/or Santa Claustrophobia (the fear of jolly red elves in an enclosed area). I told the MR tech, "I enjoyed Space Mountain more!"
Being the first e-mail I opened upon being freed from my cuckoo cocoon, your "Not Ready Yet" words and Mark's music lifted my Thursday, finally, to a comforting and empathic level.
I hope all turns out well, Brad! My last MRI was for my knee, and when they told me I "only" had to go into up to my chest, it was a huge wave of relief.
There's something about you saying "another banger, bruh" that sounds just right and just wrong in the just right amounts. Hope the prostate behaves itself and remains silent post-haste. Santa Claustrophobia is kind of the pinnacle of punning and I hope it's not all back to the groaning board from here. Looking forward to reading and sharing your E'xcellent piece.
I enjoyed reading this, Steve. I'm sympathetic to panic attacks and depression. I've been knocked to my knees several times... Have you read Mark's book "Things the Grandchildren Should Know". I highly recommend it—even though it can be emotionally taxing at times—the book is an excellent read.
Thanks, Nolan. I haven't read Mark's book. Has he only written one? I feel like there's at least one more. I have so much E to catch up on. 15 albums, possibly several books, and I just learned that he acted in a Netflix show I watched some years back called "Love." I have a strange feeling he's going to become my new musical obsession. Better late than never.
Thanks for sharing your story with all of us. Not the easiest thing to do.
After Brad's piece yesterday and now this one, I've been trying to think if I know any other Eels song besides "Novocaine for the Soul," and I'm not sure I do?
My go-to when the world is all a bit much is "Fall" by Single Gun Theory. It always brings me back down to level flight.
You probably do know a song or two, since E has 16 albums. I need to listen to your song recommendation. I'm not familiar with Single Gun Theory. Yeah, pairing with Brad is great; makes me feel less pressure to do a ton of research.:) Don't get me wrong, I love researching, I just also love eating and sleeping!
Steve, what a brave column. It is so important for people to speak up about depression and about mental illness in general, both to help take away the stigma some still attach to it, and also to explain the harm that so many do with their "well meaning" statements. Thank you!
Played the Eels clip--hadn't heard them, liked that a lot, thanks for the intro!
As someone who was suicidal most of my childhood and into my twenties, I had to deal with complete denial on the part of my parents. Music became a refuge for me too. The music that helped me was initially the heavy stuff--Cream, Hendrix, Purple, Sabbath. Then, over the years, I rotated through jazz, fusion, techno, new wave, female classical vocalists...and eventually made my way back to metal. Go-to artist? Nightwish. Go to song? Well, this one actually may have saved my life last year when I was in the hospital not sure I would make it out: Lovebites "Frozen Serenade" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae8pQVu-RN8
BTW, That Lovebites song is awesome. I have been watching "first listen" videos of their stuff, mostly from this guy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aK3oFe3WNo
Glad you like the song--it's sort of their "Kashmir" or "Bohemian Rhapsody"--even has a lot of structural elements in common with those. I call it the "Bolero" model.
I like Bob. He's analytical and speaks from experience. That particular performance still blows my mind. Miyako is a once-a-generation freak. She plays drums, bass (well enough to do the bass lines on the group's demos), several brass and woodwind instruments, and even rocks a keytar in one of their concerts.
Charles you are my conduit to the best international female metal bands. As you know, 80s-era NWOBHM bands were my jam and so current bands that harken back to that sound especially tick my joy boxes!
Thanks for sharing your personal story here, too. Yet another testament to the power of music and how it gets us through the hardest periods of our lives.
Actually, your tastes and knowledge range so widely, I wasn't sure how immersed you were in classic metal. Happy to know this flicks your bic, as they used to say! I actually drifted away from metal pretty early, as it sank into repetitiveness and gratuitous brutality. I do think the women bring a different energy to it, which I really love.
Thanks for this piece Steve, I love 'Beautiful Freak', in fact I love all things E/Eels.
He's the featured 'maverick', with a fuller discussion of 'BF' in the attached chapter of my music themed novel.
https://challenge69.substack.com/p/track-4
As I say in this, through all of E's many mood-swings somehow, "I just prefer it when he's miserable!"
Isn’t that how it often is-- when our favorite artists’ miserableness seems to inspire the art that reaches us the
Deepest? I’ll check out that chapter for sure. Thanks for your comments.
What a beautiful and vulnerable post. I agree about anxiety being the norm and a lot more normalization around the word as commonplace and being an anxiety early adopter or trendsetter? Can relate. And to the “mild” - like what does this even mean? Re: Songs for when you’re down. It’s a good question and in the past few years it’s been Leslie Odom’s version of “Nobody knows you (when you’re down and out)”
Thanks for the kind words Beth. It’s always hard to know what to say -- I am glad you can relate? -- it just goes to show how widespread mental health struggles are, and probably always were, but we now are less stigmatized to admit it. The mild word is a big can of worms that I’ll likely explore in another post.
Thank you for sharing your story, Steve -- so much of it resonates. I’m in a hospital waiting room without earbuds at the moment so I can’t listen to Eel, but here is what I turn to when needing comfort:
- Cloud Cult
- Josh Garrels
- Mandy Moore’s version of The Waterboys’ “You saw the Whole of the Moon”
- Slide Away, by Miley Cyrus (I can’t explain why, it just puts me in a headspace)
I may comment again later with more deep thoughts, but wanted to let you know how much I appreciated reading this.
Your welcome, Jen. And I've been sending healing thoughts of you and Bryan this week. Is there a specific Cloud Cult song that does it for you, or anything by them speaks to you? I need to listen to more Cloud Cult. I have really liked what I've heard. I don't know Josh Garrels. Will look him up too. I am a big Waterboys fan so am intrigued to hear what Mandy Moore does with Whole of the Moon.
Always welcome more deep thoughts! Keep 'em coming!
I finally had a chance to listen to Eels and wow... I can see why it connects. I love Aimee Mann and the Magnolia soundtrack, too, so thanks for connecting the dots re that producer, too.
Re the Mandy Moore cover, I love it for a couple reasons. It's more pop sounding, which is a genre I love, and it's a female singing, which feels relatable. When I sing along with the first person lyrics, it connects my heart with Bryan's, who always sees the whole of the moon.
Re songs I turn to in a struggle, I have a Spotify playlist called "help me help me help me" with almost 9 hours of music on it. I pulled some of those out into a new playlist called "STAY ALIVE" which is only an hour. It has a few Cloud Cult songs on there as well as some older Mountain Goats songs. Here's a link:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7nULdKRGGciQyyFBxucpFK?si=a53ef16f50da47c7
You're a brave man to bare your soul, Steve! And, a lucky man to have a recording artist who has trundled much of the same perilous ground, and who is at least as brave to write about his wrestling bout with his own psyche.
I focused in on that a bit, too, with his '92 debut album, "A Man Called E" (which drops Friday in an inbox near you!), and even saw some parallels between Mark's favorite and mine, Brian Wilson...a recognized "troubled genius" who (however easily or not) wrote extensively what was in his head...or, what he thought was there...to wit, "I'm a leaf on a windy day; pretty soon I'll be blown away. How long will the wind blow?" ("'Til I Die," Beach Boys)
Another banger, bruh! Just three hours ago (before having read your article), I was encased within a metal tube, getting an MRI (damn you, prostate...you're supposed to be the organ of fun!), and trying desperately to fight off feelings of anxiety and/or Santa Claustrophobia (the fear of jolly red elves in an enclosed area). I told the MR tech, "I enjoyed Space Mountain more!"
Being the first e-mail I opened upon being freed from my cuckoo cocoon, your "Not Ready Yet" words and Mark's music lifted my Thursday, finally, to a comforting and empathic level.
I hope all turns out well, Brad! My last MRI was for my knee, and when they told me I "only" had to go into up to my chest, it was a huge wave of relief.
There's something about you saying "another banger, bruh" that sounds just right and just wrong in the just right amounts. Hope the prostate behaves itself and remains silent post-haste. Santa Claustrophobia is kind of the pinnacle of punning and I hope it's not all back to the groaning board from here. Looking forward to reading and sharing your E'xcellent piece.
I enjoyed reading this, Steve. I'm sympathetic to panic attacks and depression. I've been knocked to my knees several times... Have you read Mark's book "Things the Grandchildren Should Know". I highly recommend it—even though it can be emotionally taxing at times—the book is an excellent read.
Thanks, Nolan. I haven't read Mark's book. Has he only written one? I feel like there's at least one more. I have so much E to catch up on. 15 albums, possibly several books, and I just learned that he acted in a Netflix show I watched some years back called "Love." I have a strange feeling he's going to become my new musical obsession. Better late than never.