Robert Hazard - Escalator of Life ('82)

Another one-hit-wonder arrives unprovoked. Or did it appear to teach me something about myself?

There’s a treasure trove of great songs that explore the consumeristic, obsessive, accumulation, MOREMOREMORE culture that is a central tenet of capitalist society.

The Clash’s “Lost in the Supermarket” and Pink Floyd’s “Money” are two biggies that come to mind right away.

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Of course, there are many more brilliant songs on this theme — I’ve created a playlist of 12 of my favorites. Paid subscribers will receive this and other bonus playlists (Spotify/YouTube) and bonus posts. Want to become one of the cool kids? Click the button below to receive a limited-time 33% off discount.

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Another excellent, but lesser-known song that tackles this theme is Robert Hazard’s 1982 new-wave semi-hit, “Escalator of Life.”

I woke up today with the song’s chorus cycling in my brain:

We're riding on the escalator of life
We're shopping in the human mall
We're dancing on the escalator of life
Won't be happy 'til we have it all

We want it all
Escalator of life - up and down
Escalator of life - round and round

It’s not the most profound song in the world, but it is super catchy and does what it’s supposed to do: Get stuck in our heads and remind us that we won’t be happy when we have it all either. It’s got a message, but isn’t too preachy about it.

The music video, which I distinctly remember watching on MTV, is wonderfully dated and silly. I love seeing what passed as indulgences in 1982. Red sports cars, black purses, fedoras, and creepy-looking suits and dresses. And smoking apparently represented upward mobility. My favorite moment is at 1:44, when Robert Hazard exhales smoke after he sings the words “up and down.”

To call Robert Hazard a one-hit wonder is a bit unfair, as he did write a song that went on to be even more successful than “Escalator of Life.” That would be “Girls Just Want To Have Fun,” which he’d written in 1979 and became a #1 world-wide smash for Cyndi Lauper in 1983.

He didn’t write it for her — she discovered it and wanted to adapt it for a woman vocalist. She wanted to turn it into a feminist anthem.

According to Hazard:

“I changed all the lyrics over the phone with her. Originally, it was from the guy’s point of view. We had to make a lot of gender changes. She took the first verse and second verse and switched them. Why, I have no idea. Melodically, it’s exactly the same.”

Based on my cursory research, it seems the collaboration wasn’t a lot of “fun” for Hazard, as he had to send a cease and desist order to Lauper after she tried to claim a writing credit for the song. I would ‘Hazard’ a guess that he had some fun after receiving his royalty checks. Probably bought a 3-story house with an escalator.

Robert Hazard would go on to record two albums, Wing of Fire (1984), and Darling (1986). Neither would chart or have any success. He would reinvent himself in the early aughts as a country artist, releasing three country albums before his unexpected death in 2008 at the age of 59 following surgery for pancreatic cancer.

Recently, friend of E&SL,

🅟🅐🅤🅛 🅜🅐🅒🅚🅞

started a lively discussion on earworms in Substack Notes (and linked to me — thanks Paul!).

One responder wrote to say they thought that earworms spoke to important things in life that we are struggling to deal with or are avoiding dealing with.

I think this certainly could be the case for some earworms. But like I explained in my 5 surefire techniques for shrinking earworms piece, the nasty sonic critters can come in all shapes and sizes. They can be triggered by hearing a song on the radio. They can be summoned by someone saying a sentence that sounds like a lyric in a song. They could appear seemingly out of nowhere, or from a place we often call our “subconscious.”

That to me sounds a lot like dreams.

Have you ever had a dream where when you wake up (usually around 3am), and your body is buzzing, electric with an overwhelming sense of clarity on a struggle you’d previously felt unsure about? Maybe it doesn’t last, maybe you don’t take action on this sharply sober moment, but a remnant, a sliver, often remains. And that sliver is what keeps you from making the same mistake over and over. No? Just me?

Maybe earworms are a form of auditory waking dreams. They don’t even have to be waking. For me, a good percentage of my earworms develop while I am sleeping. I wake up with them blaring away practically every night. I’m pretty sure this “Escalator of Life” earworm originated in a dream.

But I’ll save psychoanalyzing the meaning of this song for another post. I do have some thoughts, but after reading

Writers at Work with Sarah Fay

’s recent piece about how many words the average person reads in online posts like this, I’ve become obsessively self-conscious about my wordiness. Which, I readily admit, is a bit of a crutch trademark. Not sure which word to strikethrough there.

🎧Write Less, Please

I do want to say a little more about the whole “earworm as subconscious teacher” idea, though. Because I think it’s super exciting. And it’s a concept I haven’t thought that much about, which is a little sad for a person writing an Earworm and Song Loops newsletter.

But I’ve never claimed to be an authority. Just an author.

Here’s an example of what I mean:

Let’s say a person is in the midst of a failing relationship. They know it’s on its last legs but aren’t able to face being alone.

Suddenly the lyrics to Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” pop in their head, and they can’t stop mentally replaying: “You can go your own way/Go your own way/You can call it another lonely day/Another lonely day.”

Maybe the song had been playing softly in the background at the supermarket or the gym. But chances are likely that “Go Your Own Way” was summoned from the subconscious. Instead of some encouraging inner voice announcing, “You got this! Better things are around the corner!” — what I imagine normal, confident people experience — the support comes in the form of a song lyric. It’s more subtle. Yet, also kind of obvious.

I give this example because I realize not everyone is afflicted blessed to have constant earworms.

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(If you don’t use the Substack app, you are missing out on a wonderful community of engaging writers, artists and thinkers — click the button below to download the app, or you can just go to substack.com and access Notes from there as well.)

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I will end by saying that even though I said a few paragraphs ago that I’m not an authority on earworms, I am offering my professional services as an Earworm Reader and Interpreter (what I’m calling an ERI doctor — patent pending).

If anyone is suffering from earwormitis, and wants to better understand the meaning behind a particular lyric or jingle or nursery rhyme looping in your head, the first ten clients will be free. I need to get my hours.

• Are you riding on the escalator of life? Any advice for getting off said escalator? Other than taking the elevator, of course.

• What other songs about the perils of wealth and accumulating toys do you recommend? I want to see if any are on my 12-song playlist.

• What do you think about the idea of earworms as subconscious messengers of meaning?

Thanks for reading —

Steve