A new documentary exploring the band's early years has me reevaluating my relationship with Kiedis, Flea, et al. A part 2 side journey on the male friendship express.
Not sure I realized that RHCP had been around so long as I first came to them with Mother’s Milk. I did enjoy them for a handful of albums but haven’t really been interested in anything they’ve done over the last couple decades.
I like earlier-era RHCP too, and as I get older *much* prefer the introspective side (ie “Me and My Friends” and especially “Behind the Sun”) over tracks like “Party on Your Pu**y.”
This was fantastic! And I love that you intended to write about something else and this came out- that happens to me all the time!
I’ve been a fan of RHCP since about the beginning- I did drop off with their 2011 album and didn’t follow- can’t remember exactly why (tbh I think it had to do with some stereotypical cultural appropriation vibes with rain dance Maggie?)
I haven’t seen the documentary (I saw one many many years ago, will have to check to see if this was it, but if it’s recent I haven’t).
It’s a brand new doc. Came out a couple of months ago. Thanks for the kind words. It essentially was my blend of earworm and exploration on male friendship.
I have not seen this doc but I relate a lot the way you were big fan early on and sort of left RHCP in the rear view. I just do not connect with them anymore.
But also relating to the entire notion of beginning to write about something specific and next thing you know, you’ve gone a completely different direction! I love it when that happens and I really enjoyed reading this one.
Thanks, Chase! That’s also an aspect of what I love about your newsletter. I imagine, like me, it takes a lot of extra time and attention to follow the personal threads hard enough to discover where they all tie together. That’s what is so difficult for me, because life has become especially busy which puts a major kink in my preferred process.
This was great! I love the fearlessness and talent of the RHCP. I can't consider myself a fan but I have a lot of respect for them and I have fond memories associated with many of their records.
Male friendship isn't talked about often enough. I absolutely love what you're doing with this series, Steve. Keep it coming!
I feel pretty much the same. As I wrote, I used to be a huge fan, then a not-fan, and now I recognize their talents, impact, and limitations. Not a fan, but I admire their longevity and funky attitude.
I'm gonna keep it coming as much as I can! I have the next few weeks mapped out. Unfortunately, I rarely follow maps.
It’s funny how you set out to write about Orbison and somehow ended up with the RHCP 😂 I don’t know their earlier reputation that well. I was at Warners when they exploded with the albums you mention. Still, it’s a great lyric, and definitely one that explores male-male friendship in an interesting way.
Are you thinking of turning this into a series? It’s a fascinating subject, and probably one we can never talk about enough.
Yes, this is a series. This was part 2. Or maybe part 1.5. I have no idea how many parts it will be. I think 4, but who knows!😁
Thanks so much for reading and offering your always thoughful comments! I like how Anthony writes lyrics that don’t try to be clever or literary, they simply say things as they are.
I agree Steve, and what I like about this specific lyric is how honest it feels. I’ve never understood why it can be so difficult to maintain close male friendships. We all seem to feel the same things, yet somehow we struggle to express them or change the pattern. There’s definitely something in the way many of us were raised. I know there was in my case 😁
I was born in the Flemish part of Belgium, but we now live in the French-speaking part. Here, like in France, it’s completely normal to greet a male friend or family member with a kiss on the cheek, something we simply don’t really do in Flanders. I remember how awkward I found it when I first moved here. And it works both ways because some Walloon friends I’ve made, for instance at the gym, hesitate before giving me a kiss on the cheek because they know I’m Flemish and assume I might not be comfortable with it.
And I always wonder, why? Why is something so small sometimes so difficult? Why are we so restrained with each other?
It can also lead to funny situations. The first time my husband, who is Walloon, met my father, he naturally greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. My father, probably the most complex person I know and someone who still struggles at times with how to relate to his gay son, completely froze. It was like somebody had turned him into a block of ice. I honestly couldn’t stop laughing when it happened.
Anyway, all of that just shows how important this subject really is, and how much more openly we should probably talk about it.
Thanks so much, Pe. I don’t want to lump all European men into the same pot — especially after you explain the differences within a single country (the Flemish vs. French parts of Belgium), but my impression is you generally are less caught up in macho, silent-type man-vs.-nature bullshit. I’m sure there’s plenty of that, but in the US it was a dominant force in the media, especially in the 80s when I grew up. Though I also grew up in the new wave/punk scene where sexual fluidity and gender exploration were common.
There are, of course, cultural and familial aspects to everything. I have two 2nd generation Chinese friends whose families are quite different in terms of openness and affection.
I’m slowly making my way through your essays — it’s been challenging to find time to give them the attention they deserve. Comments coming soon!
What I find remarkable is that, regardless of the cultural influences we grew up with, so many of us seem to arrive at the same conclusion: there’s something missing, and we often struggle to develop the kind of deep, emotionally open friendships that women seem able to build with one another.
I find it a fascinating subject, Steve, so I’m really looking forward to the next installments and adding my own thoughts along the way. 😁
As for my own writing, I’ve promised myself to keep the posts shorter, at least the A-side episodes. And this Friday marked the second week in a row that I actually managed to do it. Hooray, hooray! 😁
Anyway, thanks for the thought-provoking read. Wishing you a wonderful weekend ahead, Steve!
Friendships may be as important as romantic relationships, and they can be just as challenging to navigate. That might be most obvious in the amount of time one invests in reflecting on past relationships and wondering what might have been.
Never was much of a RHCP fan, but I wasn't their target audience. Whenever I think of "Give It Away," Weird Al's version very quickly takes over.
Thanks Jackie. I’m glad you use the word reflect and not ruminate. I can flip from the former to the latter in a split second.
Growing up in Southern California in the 80s, it was hard to avoid the Red Hot chili peppers. They happened to appear just as I was discovering my love for both punk rock and funk rock.
They were completely off my radar for decades until the new documentary came out. I actually hated with a passion, the song “give it away.” so I was thrilled when Weird Al parodied it.
Ha! I started out with "perseverate," which is psych-speak for "getting close to diagnosis territory," dialed it back to ruminate, and finally settled on reflect. Like you, I roam freely among them.
This piece has given me a Billy Joel earworm: "Honesty." Healthy relationships require that plus vulnerability, both of which seem to run against current cultural trends in the US.
I was a fan of Red Hot Chili Peppers in the early to mid-1990s. Songs like "Breaking the Girl" and "My Friends" were among my favorites. I've not watched the doc though as I became less interested in their work after that. I actually found them a little boring in the 2000s! Nevertheless, they wrote some great songs and I enjoyed your reflection on them.
Thanks, Dan. The doc is all about the years before you got to know them. I also didn’t like their 2000s stuff. I wasn’t a big fan of the mid-90s albums either, but that’s what happens sometimes when you follow a band from their humble beginnings and they make it big. We went in different directions. But now I see it as not as different as I originally thought.
Your comment made me remember, and I wish I had thought to include it in this piece, that in college I was part of a Red Hot chili peppers air band. Meaning I air Drummm along with their music and three friends played the role of singer bassist and guitar player.
One of my friends looked a lot like Anthony Kiedis. So we entered a talent competition with our “act“. Needless to say we did not win. And I’m also glad cell phones didn’t exist back then because none of us wore much clothing at that performance.
Not sure I realized that RHCP had been around so long as I first came to them with Mother’s Milk. I did enjoy them for a handful of albums but haven’t really been interested in anything they’ve done over the last couple decades.
I like earlier-era RHCP too, and as I get older *much* prefer the introspective side (ie “Me and My Friends” and especially “Behind the Sun”) over tracks like “Party on Your Pu**y.”
This was fantastic! And I love that you intended to write about something else and this came out- that happens to me all the time!
I’ve been a fan of RHCP since about the beginning- I did drop off with their 2011 album and didn’t follow- can’t remember exactly why (tbh I think it had to do with some stereotypical cultural appropriation vibes with rain dance Maggie?)
I haven’t seen the documentary (I saw one many many years ago, will have to check to see if this was it, but if it’s recent I haven’t).
It’s a brand new doc. Came out a couple of months ago. Thanks for the kind words. It essentially was my blend of earworm and exploration on male friendship.
I have not seen this doc but I relate a lot the way you were big fan early on and sort of left RHCP in the rear view. I just do not connect with them anymore.
But also relating to the entire notion of beginning to write about something specific and next thing you know, you’ve gone a completely different direction! I love it when that happens and I really enjoyed reading this one.
Thanks, Chase! That’s also an aspect of what I love about your newsletter. I imagine, like me, it takes a lot of extra time and attention to follow the personal threads hard enough to discover where they all tie together. That’s what is so difficult for me, because life has become especially busy which puts a major kink in my preferred process.
This was great! I love the fearlessness and talent of the RHCP. I can't consider myself a fan but I have a lot of respect for them and I have fond memories associated with many of their records.
Male friendship isn't talked about often enough. I absolutely love what you're doing with this series, Steve. Keep it coming!
I feel pretty much the same. As I wrote, I used to be a huge fan, then a not-fan, and now I recognize their talents, impact, and limitations. Not a fan, but I admire their longevity and funky attitude.
I'm gonna keep it coming as much as I can! I have the next few weeks mapped out. Unfortunately, I rarely follow maps.
This was lovely Steve.
Thanks, Taz.
It’s funny how you set out to write about Orbison and somehow ended up with the RHCP 😂 I don’t know their earlier reputation that well. I was at Warners when they exploded with the albums you mention. Still, it’s a great lyric, and definitely one that explores male-male friendship in an interesting way.
Are you thinking of turning this into a series? It’s a fascinating subject, and probably one we can never talk about enough.
Yes, this is a series. This was part 2. Or maybe part 1.5. I have no idea how many parts it will be. I think 4, but who knows!😁
Thanks so much for reading and offering your always thoughful comments! I like how Anthony writes lyrics that don’t try to be clever or literary, they simply say things as they are.
I agree Steve, and what I like about this specific lyric is how honest it feels. I’ve never understood why it can be so difficult to maintain close male friendships. We all seem to feel the same things, yet somehow we struggle to express them or change the pattern. There’s definitely something in the way many of us were raised. I know there was in my case 😁
I was born in the Flemish part of Belgium, but we now live in the French-speaking part. Here, like in France, it’s completely normal to greet a male friend or family member with a kiss on the cheek, something we simply don’t really do in Flanders. I remember how awkward I found it when I first moved here. And it works both ways because some Walloon friends I’ve made, for instance at the gym, hesitate before giving me a kiss on the cheek because they know I’m Flemish and assume I might not be comfortable with it.
And I always wonder, why? Why is something so small sometimes so difficult? Why are we so restrained with each other?
It can also lead to funny situations. The first time my husband, who is Walloon, met my father, he naturally greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. My father, probably the most complex person I know and someone who still struggles at times with how to relate to his gay son, completely froze. It was like somebody had turned him into a block of ice. I honestly couldn’t stop laughing when it happened.
Anyway, all of that just shows how important this subject really is, and how much more openly we should probably talk about it.
Thanks so much, Pe. I don’t want to lump all European men into the same pot — especially after you explain the differences within a single country (the Flemish vs. French parts of Belgium), but my impression is you generally are less caught up in macho, silent-type man-vs.-nature bullshit. I’m sure there’s plenty of that, but in the US it was a dominant force in the media, especially in the 80s when I grew up. Though I also grew up in the new wave/punk scene where sexual fluidity and gender exploration were common.
There are, of course, cultural and familial aspects to everything. I have two 2nd generation Chinese friends whose families are quite different in terms of openness and affection.
I’m slowly making my way through your essays — it’s been challenging to find time to give them the attention they deserve. Comments coming soon!
What I find remarkable is that, regardless of the cultural influences we grew up with, so many of us seem to arrive at the same conclusion: there’s something missing, and we often struggle to develop the kind of deep, emotionally open friendships that women seem able to build with one another.
I find it a fascinating subject, Steve, so I’m really looking forward to the next installments and adding my own thoughts along the way. 😁
As for my own writing, I’ve promised myself to keep the posts shorter, at least the A-side episodes. And this Friday marked the second week in a row that I actually managed to do it. Hooray, hooray! 😁
Anyway, thanks for the thought-provoking read. Wishing you a wonderful weekend ahead, Steve!
Friendships may be as important as romantic relationships, and they can be just as challenging to navigate. That might be most obvious in the amount of time one invests in reflecting on past relationships and wondering what might have been.
Never was much of a RHCP fan, but I wasn't their target audience. Whenever I think of "Give It Away," Weird Al's version very quickly takes over.
Thanks Jackie. I’m glad you use the word reflect and not ruminate. I can flip from the former to the latter in a split second.
Growing up in Southern California in the 80s, it was hard to avoid the Red Hot chili peppers. They happened to appear just as I was discovering my love for both punk rock and funk rock.
They were completely off my radar for decades until the new documentary came out. I actually hated with a passion, the song “give it away.” so I was thrilled when Weird Al parodied it.
Ha! I started out with "perseverate," which is psych-speak for "getting close to diagnosis territory," dialed it back to ruminate, and finally settled on reflect. Like you, I roam freely among them.
This piece has given me a Billy Joel earworm: "Honesty." Healthy relationships require that plus vulnerability, both of which seem to run against current cultural trends in the US.
One of my favorite BJ songs. Honesty and vulnerability, that’s a combo that’ll get you deported or locked up.
I was a fan of Red Hot Chili Peppers in the early to mid-1990s. Songs like "Breaking the Girl" and "My Friends" were among my favorites. I've not watched the doc though as I became less interested in their work after that. I actually found them a little boring in the 2000s! Nevertheless, they wrote some great songs and I enjoyed your reflection on them.
Thanks, Dan. The doc is all about the years before you got to know them. I also didn’t like their 2000s stuff. I wasn’t a big fan of the mid-90s albums either, but that’s what happens sometimes when you follow a band from their humble beginnings and they make it big. We went in different directions. But now I see it as not as different as I originally thought.
Great stuff, Steve. Sad to say I’m not in touch with my old garage band mates, either. I do love playing drums to RHCP tunes, though.
LOL. Glad I never did that, myself!
Your comment made me remember, and I wish I had thought to include it in this piece, that in college I was part of a Red Hot chili peppers air band. Meaning I air Drummm along with their music and three friends played the role of singer bassist and guitar player.
One of my friends looked a lot like Anthony Kiedis. So we entered a talent competition with our “act“. Needless to say we did not win. And I’m also glad cell phones didn’t exist back then because none of us wore much clothing at that performance.