You are not alone. I’ve been playing guitar more, listening to music, hanging out with friends and watching my writing time slide further away. This week, I wrote an essay about a song hours before I published it. Instead of two weeks ahead.
And that’s ok.
Nobody is making us do this. We write because we feel the need to. But we’ve also got to spend time away from it. I have no real long term goals. My first newsletter is literally for sitting down, morning pages style, and just write whatever comes out.
I’ve skipped some weeks on that one and the works didn’t stop even though I first beat myself up over it.
I hope you keep posting stuff at whatever pace works for you because I’m enjoying your journey from the outside.
Modern society pressures artists and writers to create like assembly lines— mass producing familiar products at rapid speeds in perpetuity. And we bust our asses trying to fit the mold. Insanity!
The mold was not designed for us.
I’m so glad you are busting through the BS. And Missing Persons are the thumping dialogue to that breakthrough to your second (or third or thirtieth) wind. Your community is here to support and celebrate you. Carry on!! 🫶🏻🎶🤘🏻
Yes to thumping dialogue! I'm going to steal that description from you! Thanks for the reminder that I don't have to fit any model or mold society tries to shape me into.
I was SO SO SOOOO happy to see this pop up in my inbox Steve, and so glad you’ve come back to us. I felt so much of this so deeply, especially your description of depression which really resonated with my experiences. On the topic of making time to write while the world is going crazy, to echo Kevin’s point, writing in these times is indeed an individual act of resistance, an exercise in controlling what we can control in a world that feels uncontrollable. But even more important to me is the joy. It’s clear that writing brings you joy and is a salve for you. I hope you continue writing here, selfishly because I love reading your work, but also because this post highlights just how much writing feeds your spirit. While the ego-driven fears, negative self-chatter, imposter syndrome, and comparing mind are always there, so too is your ability to surrender and let go and give yourself the grace and time to write what you need to write when you need to write it. As the old saying goes, this too shall pass…
Thanks, Mark, for the lovely words. Yes, the joy is part to remember. It doesn't always feel like joy in the moment, especially when I feel the pressure of deadlines, but when I look back, I can see that it was joy -- perhaps laced with a blend of anxiety and anticipation. I do feel like I'm coming out of hibernation, albeit without the feeling of having gotten a great, long sleep!:) I'm gonna catch up with your posts soon! I did read the rock-steady one and have been meaning to respond....
I was so happy to see this in my inbox yesterday! I’ve loved reading about your earworms and song loops along with your personal stories!
I can absolutely empathize with a lot of your reasons for taking a break. I have challenges with anxiety and depression. The longer it gets between posts, the more pressure and anxiety I get about posting. It will double with each new subscriber that trickles in from somewhere 😂 and then full blown panic if I get a paid subscriber! Then the unsubscribes once I finally post something new 🤣
I love Missing Persons! Words was such a fantastic song.
I may have had that Anne Murray 8-track. The only one I remember for sure having was Blondie’s Parallel Lines.
The album I played on repeat that helped comfort me after the election results was Tracy Chapman’s first self-titled album.
I’m going to have to do some research and come back with a song a friend sent me like 3-4 times on different days that he said was the best break up song of all time. He sent it so many times I was like “Are you breaking up with me? Because we aren’t even dating!” He was a huge fan of The Something Brothers, but I think it was from another band he was obsessed with back then…
Wussy!!! “The Great Divide” was the breakup song my friend kept texting me! Hahahahaha!! I racked my brain all day trying to remember what other band this guy was obsessed with! Of all things, Kevin Alexander posted the band’s name on notes earlier in response to Matty Carlson’s call for new country song. I love it when music magic happens within this community!
Played it a couple of times yesterday. Yeah, it captures that feeling when you wake up and you don't remember that you had broken up, as being together with that person is almost muscle memory and you have to become weak enough, lose all your strength so that you can rebuild yourself on your own.
That was one of my favorite songs of last year! I believe it was Kevin who first turned me onto it. But I knew the band for many years. I just didn’t know they had a new album. I’m gonna go listen to it again right now. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks so much for this read. I enjoyed it and didn't know Dale worked with Zappa. Besides John Bonham, Terry Bozzio has always been drum god to me. Anyone who could play the Black Page!
I think I saw them about 10 years ago so around 2015. I remember that they would play a video of Frank and whatever band he had at the time and then Dweezil’s band would join in and at certain points they would drop out and let the video play.
Yes, Dale's voice is on Zappa's Joe's Garage, Baby Snakes, and Thing Fish. That's where she met Terry. Terry's drumming was super influential and underrated. I probably play his work with UK more than his stuff with Missing Persons (or Zappa).
Thankfully, most everyone here has said what I wanted to say....you know how I feel. You were one of the first I saw on here (along with Andy) who, just through your writing, I could not only tell who you were, personally, but, your personality came through where I said, "Gee, I bet he's kinda fun to be with! I definitely want to see what he'll say next week, and how he says it (and what song he'll use to tell his story)!"
Aww, thanks, Brad (eyes tear mistfully). I think your last line should be a bumper sticker, but with "my" instead of "your."
It took me forever to write that, which was fine since I wasn't keeping to a schedule, so those words do resonate. That said, I hope that future posts come to fruition a bit faster.
I was going to do a search in your archive for a Neil Sedaka piece, but forgot. And it would have delayed me further anyway. I feel like he's not seen as one of the great songwriters, but maybe I'm mistaken.
While I've not written a Sedaka-focused piece, I dare say I've not even mentioned him, anywhere! As they say in France...."Shame on moi!"
He IS considered one of rock's premiere songwriters (along with his longtime lyricist, Howard Greenfield), being a "resident" of the legendary Brill Bldg! Covered or given the press he deserves? Nope. His interactions with other BB denizens will be fascinating to uncover (among many other of his/their career highlights), I would imagine!
An anecdote just for you, Steve (everybody else....turn away!): You mentioned his "Bad Blood," which I loved calling "Brad Blood" at the time. In '75, when it came out, I was 20, and Music Director at the U of Houston KUHF-FM-er. I had a daily 3-hour 3-6pm shift, playing mostly soft rock, etc. Nothing too loud or rock. So, plenty of Elton was always on rotation. When I auditioned "BB" for airplay, I had a question about its "suitability," because of its rockiness, as you mentioned.
I asked about it to our station manager (I can remember his name, so pardon me for showing off my 50-year memory!!), Arvil Cochran, an older gentleman who was also a prof of some sort (mass comm, I'm guessing), to get his opinion on whether he thought it fit my format. "If you have to ask, it probably isn't!" Brad Blood....lesson learned!🌟
I should have thought of "Brad Blood" before you wrote this. I'm losing my A-level pun game. Gotta sharpen up my skills with regular BK banter.
It is hilarious that Neil Sedaka was considered too heavy for a soft-rock radio station. Now you have a topic for a future FR&BS post. NS definitely deserves the BK treatment.
I'm all over rock songs! "You Give Love a Brad Name," "Brad Girls," "Your Love is Like Brad Medicine," "You Got it Brad and That Ain't Good," and "Brad, Brad Leroy Brown" (not to be confused with "Leroy, Leroy Brad Brown")!
Well, call it ONE Neil Sedaka song that couldn't pass muster with a conservative, aging station manager....and, I can't blame him with that song and my format! I'll add Neil to my passel o' posts-to-get-to!
Or, my name isn't .......................................what, now?
I'm so glad you're back Steve. I've missed reading these. You always have something interesting to say. And I personally love both Neil Sedaka andMissing Persons. I learned something new. I never knew that Spring Session M is an anagram of Missing Persons. Very clever. That's some great trivia. But really, love reading these.
So nice to hear, Lisa. I did see Missing Persons twice back in the day -- possibly one of them you were there too? I don't think either were at Magic Mountain, but maybe. I want to say one was at Universal Amphitheater. Thanks for being such a dedicated wormhead!:)
I’m so happy you are back. I’ve missed you beyond beyond. (Double infinity) And Cranberries got me through a tough time and Counting Crows 🐦⬛ (guess I have a thing for C bands). Early 90s and my mom passed. Music is healing as we know. Don’t leave us.
Thanks, Beth! Aww, double infinity -- that feels like two hugs. Since I've already written about The Cranberries, maybe I need to write about Counting Crows soon! A story is already popping in my head....Yes, music is healing. Simple as that. And writing is healing. And I guess writing about music is double healing. It's beyond beyond.
When I saw you included Missing Persons in your post, I had to read it. KROQ was on my car radio for the entire decade of the 80s, and Destination Unknown was a favorite of mine. I'm glad you're at least considering sticking around. Your posts on music are fun to read.
Thanks, Larry! I was a KROQ junkie. We were lucky to grow up with Rodney on the ROQ and all the other great DJs (Richard Blade and Dusty Street I recall). Thanks for the nice words.
I feel this so deeply Steve. The struggle is real. I have anxiety all of the time about keeping up with the cadence of writing and I miss the mark constantly. I also think about giving up....but....and hear me out......what if we both just "gave up" the idea of perfection? These rules are self-imposed. What if we just wrote because we have something to say and because we're putting something we're proud of into the world, regardless of pace, financial return, or self-imposed markers of success? I love your publication and I'd hate to see it go. You write with joy and joy is an act of resistance. Be kind to yourself.
Thanks, Jami. Yes - let's give up the idea of perfection. I actually don't struggle that much with perfection, it's more self-belief, time-management, and imposter syndrome/comparing mind that derail me. I know we both tend to write longer, more involved pieces that take a fair bit of time (and many drafts in my case). Maybe we can come up with ideas for shorter pieces?
I stopped caring about financial rewards for this a year ago when I turned off paid subscriptions. But I do struggle with feeling like I need to be on Notes to promote my work, so I'm going to give it a go and mostly avoid that part of Substack (I so struggle with social media).
Don't leave Substack! I like hearing your stories personal and otherwise. Plus, it's great to find someone who loved "Bad Blood" by Neil Sedaka as much as I did! I've also struggled with anxiety and depression throughout my life. I always need a little structure to get by. Now that I am retired Substack has offered that. I keep finding different "lanes" to write in. If you're looking for a few suggestions how about a series about songs that help alleviate (or to avoid!) anxiety or depression? (I'm sure I can come up with several for that!) You like drumming. How about discussions about songs with great drum solos? How about your own Top Ten memoir...!? Anyway, do what YOU need to do. I value you as part of this community though.
Holy moly! I just watched that video! My yard is tiny compared to yours! Did you do all the landscaping, did you have it designed, or was it partly/mostly done when you moved there? I have a couple of fruit trees and it seems the prior owners grew cannabis as there are a lot of 240 outlets all over the yard (and a nice shed with grow lights).
Ha! That sounds like an interesting yard! Ours has evolved in the 34 years we've lived here. The area furthest back full of trees and thick brush. We had one trail in the thickest area and a deck just outside our doors. Over time we replaced the deck with a larger patio. During the pandemic I cleared out most of the brush to make that woody area more usable. I now call it a park! It's been a fun and unending project!
Dan! Thanks so much for your kind words. I hope that writing this piece (which was not easy; it took more days/drafts/hours than I care to admit) sparks me back into regularity. I so appreciate the community here. And your suggestions are awesome! I have copied them into a Notes (the Apple app, not Substack app) page on my phone. I actually have a playlist for songs of encouragement ("I'm OK" by Styx is on it), so that's a great one.
Part of my struggle is finding the time, as there's so much I want to do and I have a giant backyard now that needs constant upkeep (which I usually love doing; it's just very time intensive). Finding balance is a tricky balance!:)
In case you find this reassuring, I go through what you've just gone through regularly but on a smaller scale. I tell myself I'm going to give up and then just stop writing for a week or two. But then something tugs at me to be written, and I'm back. I find I need regular downtime and time to replenish my brain and soul with some inspiring stuff or I feel stale and tired.
So I hope you keep going and don't break up with us for my own selfish reasons. I greatly enjoy your posts and your sense of humor, even if I don't always say so.
Thanks so much, Ellen. I always feel less caught in my own mental traps when I come here and keep writing! Not that I want you to suffer even a shorter version of what I often deal with….always appreciate your writing too.
Hi! It's good to hear from you—and always worthwhile. Funny that you've featured Neil Sedaka ... he's been flitting in and out of my mind lately too.
You probably saw this coming as soon as you saw me as author of the comment: Rush has helped me get through several challenges and difficult times. Many of their songs are predictable for those who know their catalog, but that doesn't make them less effective for me.
One way I approach uncertainty is to try to see it as a learning opportunity. What might I learn? I don't know, but I can find a way to make it relevant and useful.
Thanks, Jackie. I always appreciate your feedback. Yes, Rush is and has been (since I was 12 or 13) one of the top bands that helps me through life's tough times. Sometimes, the support is lyrical, but more often, it's musical, as songs like YYZ and The Main Monkey Business get me air drumming/guitaring/bassing like a wild banshee.
It's really tough to think of uncertainty as a learning opportunity when I'm in the thick of anxiety. It requires a presence and perspective that feels suffocated in such mental states. I'm hoping I can build up my stamina and resources to catch the signs early enough to thwart the brain buggers before they can gather enough steam.
I hope you can build your stamina and resources too. My reframing still doesn't come naturally to me, but even the smallest shift helps with that suffocating feeling.
First and foremost, I'm glad you're back! It was great to see your name in my inbox just now.
As for the existential crisis of writing about records in a world like 2025, I would simply offer that creating and sharing art (and writing falls under both) is itself an act of resistance. I don't mean to oversell it, but the powers that be want us to feel disillusioned and broken and settle for living in a world of grey--and world with no hope. No thanks.
Thanks, Kevin - you are a definite inspiration for me. Seeing how you’ve built and expanded your community is an example of what’s possible. But I know you have two twin siblings who are ghost writing for you. :)
You are not alone. I’ve been playing guitar more, listening to music, hanging out with friends and watching my writing time slide further away. This week, I wrote an essay about a song hours before I published it. Instead of two weeks ahead.
And that’s ok.
Nobody is making us do this. We write because we feel the need to. But we’ve also got to spend time away from it. I have no real long term goals. My first newsletter is literally for sitting down, morning pages style, and just write whatever comes out.
I’ve skipped some weeks on that one and the works didn’t stop even though I first beat myself up over it.
I hope you keep posting stuff at whatever pace works for you because I’m enjoying your journey from the outside.
Modern society pressures artists and writers to create like assembly lines— mass producing familiar products at rapid speeds in perpetuity. And we bust our asses trying to fit the mold. Insanity!
The mold was not designed for us.
I’m so glad you are busting through the BS. And Missing Persons are the thumping dialogue to that breakthrough to your second (or third or thirtieth) wind. Your community is here to support and celebrate you. Carry on!! 🫶🏻🎶🤘🏻
Yes to thumping dialogue! I'm going to steal that description from you! Thanks for the reminder that I don't have to fit any model or mold society tries to shape me into.
I was SO SO SOOOO happy to see this pop up in my inbox Steve, and so glad you’ve come back to us. I felt so much of this so deeply, especially your description of depression which really resonated with my experiences. On the topic of making time to write while the world is going crazy, to echo Kevin’s point, writing in these times is indeed an individual act of resistance, an exercise in controlling what we can control in a world that feels uncontrollable. But even more important to me is the joy. It’s clear that writing brings you joy and is a salve for you. I hope you continue writing here, selfishly because I love reading your work, but also because this post highlights just how much writing feeds your spirit. While the ego-driven fears, negative self-chatter, imposter syndrome, and comparing mind are always there, so too is your ability to surrender and let go and give yourself the grace and time to write what you need to write when you need to write it. As the old saying goes, this too shall pass…
Thanks, Mark, for the lovely words. Yes, the joy is part to remember. It doesn't always feel like joy in the moment, especially when I feel the pressure of deadlines, but when I look back, I can see that it was joy -- perhaps laced with a blend of anxiety and anticipation. I do feel like I'm coming out of hibernation, albeit without the feeling of having gotten a great, long sleep!:) I'm gonna catch up with your posts soon! I did read the rock-steady one and have been meaning to respond....
I was so happy to see this in my inbox yesterday! I’ve loved reading about your earworms and song loops along with your personal stories!
I can absolutely empathize with a lot of your reasons for taking a break. I have challenges with anxiety and depression. The longer it gets between posts, the more pressure and anxiety I get about posting. It will double with each new subscriber that trickles in from somewhere 😂 and then full blown panic if I get a paid subscriber! Then the unsubscribes once I finally post something new 🤣
I love Missing Persons! Words was such a fantastic song.
I may have had that Anne Murray 8-track. The only one I remember for sure having was Blondie’s Parallel Lines.
The album I played on repeat that helped comfort me after the election results was Tracy Chapman’s first self-titled album.
I’m going to have to do some research and come back with a song a friend sent me like 3-4 times on different days that he said was the best break up song of all time. He sent it so many times I was like “Are you breaking up with me? Because we aren’t even dating!” He was a huge fan of The Something Brothers, but I think it was from another band he was obsessed with back then…
Wussy!!! “The Great Divide” was the breakup song my friend kept texting me! Hahahahaha!! I racked my brain all day trying to remember what other band this guy was obsessed with! Of all things, Kevin Alexander posted the band’s name on notes earlier in response to Matty Carlson’s call for new country song. I love it when music magic happens within this community!
Played it a couple of times yesterday. Yeah, it captures that feeling when you wake up and you don't remember that you had broken up, as being together with that person is almost muscle memory and you have to become weak enough, lose all your strength so that you can rebuild yourself on your own.
That was one of my favorite songs of last year! I believe it was Kevin who first turned me onto it. But I knew the band for many years. I just didn’t know they had a new album. I’m gonna go listen to it again right now. Thanks for sharing!
Perhaps the best breakup song ever conceived was by Harry Nilsson from 1972 ...
"You're breaking my heart
You're tearin' it apart
So **** you!"
I still laugh when reminded of it.
Thanks so much for this read. I enjoyed it and didn't know Dale worked with Zappa. Besides John Bonham, Terry Bozzio has always been drum god to me. Anyone who could play the Black Page!
I just looked it up and it says 2006! Doesn't seem like that long ago, but probably was.
I think I saw them about 10 years ago so around 2015. I remember that they would play a video of Frank and whatever band he had at the time and then Dweezil’s band would join in and at certain points they would drop out and let the video play.
I used to go to his solo gigs. The last time I saw him was with Zappa plays Zappa. He was injured and did the whole gig playing with one hand!
Terry played with Zappa Plays Zappa? I’ve seen them twice and neither time was Terry, rats! Dweezil truly impressed me more than I expected.
Yes, Dale's voice is on Zappa's Joe's Garage, Baby Snakes, and Thing Fish. That's where she met Terry. Terry's drumming was super influential and underrated. I probably play his work with UK more than his stuff with Missing Persons (or Zappa).
Thanks for sharing such as personal post. I totally understand the need to step away, but consider me another reader who is glad you're back!
Really appreciate hearing that, Matt.
Thankfully, most everyone here has said what I wanted to say....you know how I feel. You were one of the first I saw on here (along with Andy) who, just through your writing, I could not only tell who you were, personally, but, your personality came through where I said, "Gee, I bet he's kinda fun to be with! I definitely want to see what he'll say next week, and how he says it (and what song he'll use to tell his story)!"
Your pace, your time.....your voice.
Aww, thanks, Brad (eyes tear mistfully). I think your last line should be a bumper sticker, but with "my" instead of "your."
It took me forever to write that, which was fine since I wasn't keeping to a schedule, so those words do resonate. That said, I hope that future posts come to fruition a bit faster.
I was going to do a search in your archive for a Neil Sedaka piece, but forgot. And it would have delayed me further anyway. I feel like he's not seen as one of the great songwriters, but maybe I'm mistaken.
Thanks, Steve.....'tis certainly 💖-felt.
While I've not written a Sedaka-focused piece, I dare say I've not even mentioned him, anywhere! As they say in France...."Shame on moi!"
He IS considered one of rock's premiere songwriters (along with his longtime lyricist, Howard Greenfield), being a "resident" of the legendary Brill Bldg! Covered or given the press he deserves? Nope. His interactions with other BB denizens will be fascinating to uncover (among many other of his/their career highlights), I would imagine!
An anecdote just for you, Steve (everybody else....turn away!): You mentioned his "Bad Blood," which I loved calling "Brad Blood" at the time. In '75, when it came out, I was 20, and Music Director at the U of Houston KUHF-FM-er. I had a daily 3-hour 3-6pm shift, playing mostly soft rock, etc. Nothing too loud or rock. So, plenty of Elton was always on rotation. When I auditioned "BB" for airplay, I had a question about its "suitability," because of its rockiness, as you mentioned.
I asked about it to our station manager (I can remember his name, so pardon me for showing off my 50-year memory!!), Arvil Cochran, an older gentleman who was also a prof of some sort (mass comm, I'm guessing), to get his opinion on whether he thought it fit my format. "If you have to ask, it probably isn't!" Brad Blood....lesson learned!🌟
I should have thought of "Brad Blood" before you wrote this. I'm losing my A-level pun game. Gotta sharpen up my skills with regular BK banter.
It is hilarious that Neil Sedaka was considered too heavy for a soft-rock radio station. Now you have a topic for a future FR&BS post. NS definitely deserves the BK treatment.
I'm all over rock songs! "You Give Love a Brad Name," "Brad Girls," "Your Love is Like Brad Medicine," "You Got it Brad and That Ain't Good," and "Brad, Brad Leroy Brown" (not to be confused with "Leroy, Leroy Brad Brown")!
Well, call it ONE Neil Sedaka song that couldn't pass muster with a conservative, aging station manager....and, I can't blame him with that song and my format! I'll add Neil to my passel o' posts-to-get-to!
Or, my name isn't .......................................what, now?
Seconding everything Brad says here.
I'm so glad you're back Steve. I've missed reading these. You always have something interesting to say. And I personally love both Neil Sedaka andMissing Persons. I learned something new. I never knew that Spring Session M is an anagram of Missing Persons. Very clever. That's some great trivia. But really, love reading these.
So nice to hear, Lisa. I did see Missing Persons twice back in the day -- possibly one of them you were there too? I don't think either were at Magic Mountain, but maybe. I want to say one was at Universal Amphitheater. Thanks for being such a dedicated wormhead!:)
I’m so happy you are back. I’ve missed you beyond beyond. (Double infinity) And Cranberries got me through a tough time and Counting Crows 🐦⬛ (guess I have a thing for C bands). Early 90s and my mom passed. Music is healing as we know. Don’t leave us.
Thanks, Beth! Aww, double infinity -- that feels like two hugs. Since I've already written about The Cranberries, maybe I need to write about Counting Crows soon! A story is already popping in my head....Yes, music is healing. Simple as that. And writing is healing. And I guess writing about music is double healing. It's beyond beyond.
When I saw you included Missing Persons in your post, I had to read it. KROQ was on my car radio for the entire decade of the 80s, and Destination Unknown was a favorite of mine. I'm glad you're at least considering sticking around. Your posts on music are fun to read.
Thanks, Larry! I was a KROQ junkie. We were lucky to grow up with Rodney on the ROQ and all the other great DJs (Richard Blade and Dusty Street I recall). Thanks for the nice words.
Yeah, most of the old KROQ crew are on 1st Wave on SiriusXM now. 😆
I feel this so deeply Steve. The struggle is real. I have anxiety all of the time about keeping up with the cadence of writing and I miss the mark constantly. I also think about giving up....but....and hear me out......what if we both just "gave up" the idea of perfection? These rules are self-imposed. What if we just wrote because we have something to say and because we're putting something we're proud of into the world, regardless of pace, financial return, or self-imposed markers of success? I love your publication and I'd hate to see it go. You write with joy and joy is an act of resistance. Be kind to yourself.
Thanks, Jami. Yes - let's give up the idea of perfection. I actually don't struggle that much with perfection, it's more self-belief, time-management, and imposter syndrome/comparing mind that derail me. I know we both tend to write longer, more involved pieces that take a fair bit of time (and many drafts in my case). Maybe we can come up with ideas for shorter pieces?
I stopped caring about financial rewards for this a year ago when I turned off paid subscriptions. But I do struggle with feeling like I need to be on Notes to promote my work, so I'm going to give it a go and mostly avoid that part of Substack (I so struggle with social media).
Don't leave Substack! I like hearing your stories personal and otherwise. Plus, it's great to find someone who loved "Bad Blood" by Neil Sedaka as much as I did! I've also struggled with anxiety and depression throughout my life. I always need a little structure to get by. Now that I am retired Substack has offered that. I keep finding different "lanes" to write in. If you're looking for a few suggestions how about a series about songs that help alleviate (or to avoid!) anxiety or depression? (I'm sure I can come up with several for that!) You like drumming. How about discussions about songs with great drum solos? How about your own Top Ten memoir...!? Anyway, do what YOU need to do. I value you as part of this community though.
I was going to mention your top ten memoir Dan because I loved it so much!!
Steve, add “Way Less Sad” by AJR to your list!
I know what you mean about a big yard! That’s why I started doing my Palangeau Park videos! They also keep me sane and it’s a great creative outlet.
Holy moly! I just watched that video! My yard is tiny compared to yours! Did you do all the landscaping, did you have it designed, or was it partly/mostly done when you moved there? I have a couple of fruit trees and it seems the prior owners grew cannabis as there are a lot of 240 outlets all over the yard (and a nice shed with grow lights).
Ha! That sounds like an interesting yard! Ours has evolved in the 34 years we've lived here. The area furthest back full of trees and thick brush. We had one trail in the thickest area and a deck just outside our doors. Over time we replaced the deck with a larger patio. During the pandemic I cleared out most of the brush to make that woody area more usable. I now call it a park! It's been a fun and unending project!
Dan! Thanks so much for your kind words. I hope that writing this piece (which was not easy; it took more days/drafts/hours than I care to admit) sparks me back into regularity. I so appreciate the community here. And your suggestions are awesome! I have copied them into a Notes (the Apple app, not Substack app) page on my phone. I actually have a playlist for songs of encouragement ("I'm OK" by Styx is on it), so that's a great one.
Part of my struggle is finding the time, as there's so much I want to do and I have a giant backyard now that needs constant upkeep (which I usually love doing; it's just very time intensive). Finding balance is a tricky balance!:)
In case you find this reassuring, I go through what you've just gone through regularly but on a smaller scale. I tell myself I'm going to give up and then just stop writing for a week or two. But then something tugs at me to be written, and I'm back. I find I need regular downtime and time to replenish my brain and soul with some inspiring stuff or I feel stale and tired.
So I hope you keep going and don't break up with us for my own selfish reasons. I greatly enjoy your posts and your sense of humor, even if I don't always say so.
Thanks so much, Ellen. I always feel less caught in my own mental traps when I come here and keep writing! Not that I want you to suffer even a shorter version of what I often deal with….always appreciate your writing too.
Hi! It's good to hear from you—and always worthwhile. Funny that you've featured Neil Sedaka ... he's been flitting in and out of my mind lately too.
You probably saw this coming as soon as you saw me as author of the comment: Rush has helped me get through several challenges and difficult times. Many of their songs are predictable for those who know their catalog, but that doesn't make them less effective for me.
One way I approach uncertainty is to try to see it as a learning opportunity. What might I learn? I don't know, but I can find a way to make it relevant and useful.
Take good care.
Thanks, Jackie. I always appreciate your feedback. Yes, Rush is and has been (since I was 12 or 13) one of the top bands that helps me through life's tough times. Sometimes, the support is lyrical, but more often, it's musical, as songs like YYZ and The Main Monkey Business get me air drumming/guitaring/bassing like a wild banshee.
It's really tough to think of uncertainty as a learning opportunity when I'm in the thick of anxiety. It requires a presence and perspective that feels suffocated in such mental states. I'm hoping I can build up my stamina and resources to catch the signs early enough to thwart the brain buggers before they can gather enough steam.
Agree 100% on Rush's universal utility!
I hope you can build your stamina and resources too. My reframing still doesn't come naturally to me, but even the smallest shift helps with that suffocating feeling.
First and foremost, I'm glad you're back! It was great to see your name in my inbox just now.
As for the existential crisis of writing about records in a world like 2025, I would simply offer that creating and sharing art (and writing falls under both) is itself an act of resistance. I don't mean to oversell it, but the powers that be want us to feel disillusioned and broken and settle for living in a world of grey--and world with no hope. No thanks.
Yes!! I was going to say what helps me in these times is reading about music! And the music community here on Substack!
Thanks, Kevin - you are a definite inspiration for me. Seeing how you’ve built and expanded your community is an example of what’s possible. But I know you have two twin siblings who are ghost writing for you. :)
Shhhh! Don't tell anyone! :)